Miscarriage is a devastating experience for everyone.
The occurrence is not uncommon – according to the American Pregnancy Association, 10 to 25 per cent of pregnancies will end in miscarriages. However, many women still chose to remain silent about the matter. While going through it might be difficult, sharing the stories could help you cope together with other expectant parents and feel less alone.
Here are a few miscarriage stories from around the world.
“There was no heartbeat, she told us. She showed me the image on the screen and said it wasn’t moving. I looked at my husband again. He tried to smile at me, but his eyes were filled with tears. How could this happen? Why? What had I done?!
She explained that the foetus hadn’t developed beyond seven weeks and that I had miscarried. No baby.
It was 10 o’clock in the morning on a Friday and everything seemed to stop. I was devastated. It was a very heartbreaking, weird, surreal experience and I felt like the only woman in the world who didn’t have a baby.
My obstetrician told us all the statistics about miscarriages in Australia. She told us how many women had them – 1 in 3 pregnancies apparently. But that didn’t matter to me. No-one I knew had a miscarriage… only ME. For the first time in my life I thought, “What if I CAN’T have children?!” It was scary. I felt terrified. This was completely new territory for me.”
“When something bad happens to you, it’s hard to shake the feeling that other people think you did something to bring it on. Maybe they think you had a heart attack because you didn’t eat well. Got laid off because you planned poorly. Had your car broken into because you left something in there. But when I had a miscarriage, the worst culprit of this reflexive blaming was myself.”
“People tried to be positive. People would say, I know you’re going to be able to get pregnant again. If you want a baby badly enough, you’re going to have another baby. Those things are devastating things to hear when you’re in the throes of losing a baby. People were moving ahead into the future, but I wasn’t moving into the future. I had lost this pregnancy, this baby.”
“You feel so hopeful when you learn you’re going to have a child. You start imagining who they’ll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they’re gone. It’s a lonely experience. Most people don’t discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you’re defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own.”
“I don’t believe miscarriage or losing babies is talked about enough. We hold these experiences close to our hearts. We don’t share our pain. But really, are we hiding it away because it didn’t matter? No. Is it because we are afraid someone will say, ‘well at least it happened so early’? Maybe, but no one should. It is your pain, your grief. It matters.”