Ghosting – a dating culture that attracts pros and cons. For those unfamiliar with the term, “ghosting” is defined by Urban Dictionary as “the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.” Many attributed the phenomenon to the rise of social media, which makes it easier for ghosters to shift to another person and avoid any responsibility to reject. While many feel that ghosting is cruel, others argue that it’s just a normal part of today’s dating life.
Here are a few stories from the ghosters and the ghostees.
“It happened again. I hooked up with someone—this time, it was an adult skateboarder—who repeatedly told me he wanted to see me again. This foolishly made me believe he might want to see me again. Rather than respond to my text two days later, he chose to pull the digital version of that scene in every teen movie where one pretends to be a lifeless mannequin while on the run from mall cops. Weird, he was just here a minute ago…”
“I was agonizing over what I could’ve done wrong, when it suddenly occurred to me I had texted the most, low-key, no-pressure thing you could ask another person. I wasn’t the one acting weird, they were the one acting weird for not responding. The truth is, when someone is repeatedly dodging your messages without a response, they’re the ones acting poorly.”
“For whatever reason, things didn’t work out and they didn’t want to see you again. Do you really want to hear that your date just wasn’t that attracted to you, that they hate your laugh, or that they’re actually in a committed relationship with a body pillow and they wanted to give the whole “human relationship” thing a try but they hated it? … Personally, I like the ambiguity.”
“We aren’t beholden to the people we meet once over whiskey sours, thankfully, or we would all be crying over that guy from Tinder who seems really nice and even has a job and a car, but kind of sort of for some reason reminds you of that gross kid from high school and ughhhhh he seems really nice but you JUST CAN’T! And in the end, Are we not responsible for our own feelings? Ghosting should go like this: Person goes out on date. Person texts date the following day: How’s your day going? Person receives no reply. Person shrugs shoulders, perhaps says “bummer” to the mirror. Person goes back to swiping. It just doesn’t seem so complicated to me.”
“I only ghost first dates that I’m not interested in seeing again. Examples include: The date that forced me to use a coaster and referred to his mom as “mother.” The date who proudly told me the story of how he cursed out an older woman for trying to steal his parking spot, and went on to provide other examples of women who “can’t drive.””
“Ghosting was easy for me in the moment, but I wasn’t doing myself any favors in the long run. Confrontation and conflict might give me anxiety, but the more I backed down from it, the more I wanted to avoid facing other issues. Think about it. Eventually you will have to deal with something—like issues in a relationship you actually want—and you want to be ready for it. But you won’t be mentally prepared if all you know how to do is run.”